I went to camp in May with about 50 pastors. I met just two people during the event and am pretty sure that the experience of most participants was similar.
Camp Logos is a two-day training session in using Logos Bible software for Bible study and pastors from around the Southeast gathered in Atlanta to participate.
I met the young man who sat next to me the first day. I invited him to join me for lunch and learned of how he was pursuing a theological education online through the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary where I received my M.Div. in 1982. He sat somewhere else the next day and we did not talk again.
I overheard a man say during a break the second day that he taught at Mississippi College. I followed him across the room to introduce myself because I graduated from MC and maintain ties to the school. We talked briefly before he excused himself to browse books on a sales table. We did not talk again.
Aside from a few smiles, nods, and polite murmurs in queues outside the men’s room and at the refreshment table, I had no other interaction with my fellow students. Most people talked on cell phones or played with their computers during breaks.
When I am functioning as a pastor, I greet everyone I see, shake hands, and talk with folks. Doing so feels natural and comfortable. When I am functioning as a student, it is common for me to be withdrawn. I used to think I was weird, but it seems lots of pastors are like me.
I had lots of friendly relationships when I was a pastor, but never developed any real friendships in places where my role was minister. Not enjoying friendships in ministry is an occupational hazard that has a lot to do with the role of minister.
I have rarely meant to function as a Parent in ministry, but often have. And people have often related to me as a parent even when I did not treat them like my children.
Baptists often call their pastors “Brother,” but rarely relate to them as peers. Episcopalians are at least clear about the hierarchy – male priests are Father and female priests are Mother. However, children cannot be friends with their parents and parents cannot be friends with their children. Some try, but it doesn’t work, not really.
Ministers just don’t have friends within their congregations and many do poorly at making friends elsewhere. Too many ministers live lives of quiet isolation. Isolation is stressful. Add a little conflict at church and you have a recipe for life-sapping pain.
That is the problem. What is the solution? Make the commitment of time and energy to establishing and maintaining several close friends.
www.mtmgeorgia.org published a version of this post previously.
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